# Emily Insecurities (Last Updated : October 2, 2024
# $ delimited
# Columns
#	- UUID [UUIDv4]
#	- Common Name [string]
#	- Last Occurrence [date]
#	- Severity (Qualitative) [float]
#	- Explicit Consequences [string]
#	- Talked in therapy [bool]
#	- Resolved [bool]
#	- Comments [string]
# Comments
# Severity is measured out of 1 to 10 with 1 being mild and 10 be the worst.
# Severity measures the 
# The resolved column implies that an insecurity no longer affects me. This is an alias of language; rather,
#	what I mean by that is that I have found strategies to deal with the insecurity and that those have
#	generally been effective
# Below is a parsing script, it can be run with the included ./disp-local.sh script. This will resolve any
#  UUID references to common names. The script ./push.sh will load this into 
#  the a psql database running at localhost:5432 under the database name EmPersonal.
#  With the command line argument --host the can be changed to anything.
#  The script ./pull.sh will update the local csv file with the contents of the database (with the idea
#  being that the authoritative version will be hosted in the database and the local version can be
#  easily edited. Finally the script ./disp-remote.sh will display the authoritative version. This can
#  also take a --host argument.
Common Name Last Occurrence Severity Explicit Consequences Talked in therapy Resolved Comments
0 Voice 10/02/2024 10 Unable to speak at times, weeping, professional talks can be hard False False My voice is far deeper than I would like it, I need to change this, it makes me very clockable.
1 Over talking 09/28/2024 7 Closing off myself to friends, isolation True False Worry that I speak to much, Keighley says I don’t and while I may intellectually believe her the emotional interconnect eludes me.
2 Sorry too much 10/01/2024 8 Self doubt, worry I am imposing on others, making others legit feel bad by making them think they have hurt me True False Don’t know how to resolve this feedback loop. Fen is wonderful. Always help, I feel bad, put too much on them, too many sorries. This has been here unresolved for too long.
3 Chew on pens 09/06/2023 1 Weird looks False False Its kinda gross.
4 Small Tits 10/01/2024 3 Challenge wearing certain clothing that is not as tight fitting False False Resolving as HRT does its thing. Tits grow. Need to pre think of strategies to that whatever level I top at out I can live happily with. Fen good resource.
5 Intelligence 08/16/2024 8 Challenge asking questions in professional settings, stumbling over research topics, freezing upon receiving ref reports False False Thought Dr would resolve, didn’t. Rare but severe. Big fish small pond -> small fish big pond
6 Friendship Quality 11/30/2022 10 Locking self off from world, extreme isolation, push friends away True True Awful time, Dr. John helped, better sense of self, better trust of people to make clear if they are upset with me, less selfish that way. Strategy to resolve is to communicate more, continue practicing.
7 Mansplain 07/17/2024 9 Lock self away, self hate False False Fen told me today (10/13/2023) that I don’t mansplain and Im just autistic, helped. Worry that over-explain interests in a way that closes off doors to others with things to say about them
8 Fat 10/02/2024 5 Sometimes have trouble in certain outfits False False Somewhat mild. Issue when dealing with tension between this and %(670a2b48-3817-4245-a625-948d604f44c6)
9 Money 06/23/2024 3 general anxiety False True Resolved by budgeting. Jordy died, 20k debt from, very hard. Holding interest down. Just started post doc, extra 50k annually, much easier, paying off principal now.
10 Uncareful Science 05/18/2024 2 Excess time spent validating results, over stress from ref reports True False Not a careful enough scientist, need to be better. Need better notes (research notebook, Joplin?)
11 Adams apple 10/02/2024 7 Refusal to go in public, over swallowing, weird posing for photos False False Hate the Adams apple but also don’t know if I want to get a tracheal shave. Unclear, do more thinking (06/07/2023) Did more thinking (06/08/2024) want it eventually don’t know how to tell insurance.
12 Pet Parent 10/11/2023 10 can’t function False False I worry that I did not do enough to save her and that I am too worried about the bill from this week, gonna be a hard year. Update (11/20/2023) heard from vet it was brain cancer, should make me feel better, don’t know why it isn’t. Worried I didn’t do enough. Update (3/14/2024) Still crying a lot.
13 Stinky 07/21/2015 3 Have to hide False False Marissa told me I was stupid and stinky, I am worried that I am and it will get in the way with friendships at Encore.